Never
by xXRosexScorpiusXx
Summary: Spoilers: Do not read if you haven't watched the season finale 4x23 yet! It's about Kol, who muses over something Bonnie said to him. One-shot.


The words of Bonnie Bennett wouldn't leave him alone; even hours after the veil went back up, trapping him once again on the Other Side.

"_We can't always get what we want."_

He couldn't believe the nerve of that witch. Did she really think that he, whose death came thousand years after his birth, never learned this particular rule of life?

What did she take him for? An ignorant child?

It certainly seemed to be that way. But of course, he shouldn't be surprised. She and her clueless friends always seemed to know best. They called themselves the good guys, but they still risked everything for their selfish needs. They didn't think of the consequences until it was too late and Jeremy Gilbert was gone. But he got back to life. The Gilbert siblings got their happy ending. All thanks to their dead sneaky witch friend, who set a trap for him, just like the Gilberts did when they killed him.

He didn't understand her. She lost everything, but she still put her friends first, who never truly valued her. And then she had the audacity to lecture him.

We can't always get what we want. True, but when did he ever get something he wanted? He couldn't remember. It must have been long ago, probably when he was still human. He wasn't sure.

But what did he want?

It has been a long time since he last asked himself that question. However, his wishes came to his mind almost instantly.

_Approval _

Yes, he wanted that; mostly from his father but he never got it. He was a disgrace to him; a weakling. After Niklaus, he must have been the one his father hated most.

_Attention_

It had been hard to get that from his family. He always felt like an outsider. He didn't fit in with them. They never listened to him. He always had to be provocative if he wanted some sort of attention. He wasn't Elijah, to whom everyone paid their respect because his very presence demanded it. He wasn't Finn, who got along greatly with their mother, or Niklaus, who charmed everyone except for father. He wasn't Rebekah, who held a special position within their family due to being the only girl. And he wasn't Henrik, who was coddled being the youngest of them and all. However, he was thankful that Rik was, aside from Bekah, the most spoiled, as he died way too young in Kol's opinion. But the fact remained, that he was overlooked. Alive and dead.

_Loyalty and Trust_

Ah, yes, that one was one of the best. Jon, his so-called best friend, snatched the girl Kol loved for over two years from under his nose, knowing full well what Kol felt for her. His own parents turned him into a vampire, forcing him into a cursed life. Turning him into a monster that couldn't even trust itself anymore, for he had no longer control over his actions when blood was involved.

And his siblings proved themselves unfaithful as well. Finn left them after a short good bye and his remaining siblings stuck together, making a pact of always and forever that only included them. He was left alone and he had to make the best of it. He never complained. He never told them that he wanted to be a part of their bond. Because he knew, even then, that he would never get what he wanted and he accepted it. Come to think of it, he accepted a lot of things.

He accepted the fact that his own father wanted them all dead.

He accepted Niklaus betrayal, when he daggered him.

He accepted that Niklaus lied about their mother's dead.

He accepted that Esther and Finn planned their deaths.

He accepted Esther's death, for she wasn't the mother he remembered.

He somewhat accepted Finn's death, but he had to avenge him at least a bit, for he was still his brother.

He even accepted that his brother Nik got desiccated by those pathetic youngsters.

He then accepted that Niklaus was supposedly dead, which turned out to be a scam, though.

He accepted that Rebekah, like Nik, only wanted him near her when she needed someone to do her dirty work.

He couldn't accept it, though, that they didn't want to take him seriously about Silas.

He also couldn't accept that she tried to dagger him.

And he certainly couldn't/wouldn't accept that they barely mourned him at all and let his killers go scot-free.

And because of that he couldn't pass up the chance to do the honors himself, when the opportunity arose, as his siblings obviously thought it unnecessary to do anything at all about his death.

But even then, he didn't get what he wanted. Even revenge was too much to ask for, obviously.

Kol didn't even want to think of one of his last wishes.

_Love_

He never got it fully from his family. He never truly got it from a woman. And thus, he never got the chance to start his own family. He never got to experience it at all.

Thousand years of nothing.

And a hundred of them were spent in darkness because of Nik. Or perhaps, even more. His existence as a vampire was frighteningly empty.

He couldn't suppress the thought.

He wanted to, but like Bonnie said, he couldn't always get what he wanted.

_What a waste_

And it truly was in his opinion. He envied Jeremy Gilbert for his second chance. He truly could have used one.

The witch got it wrong, though. We can't always get what we want didn't apply to him at all.

_You'll never get what you want._

That one suited him much better.

* * *

**A/N: I know, it's not cheerful, but I needed some kind of conclusion where Kol is concerned. Plec didn't give him any at all in my opinion. Hope you guys liked it regardless. **

**Please review. I'd like to know what you think about it =)**


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